Sunday, April 24, 2005

Mine eyes have seen the glory

ThatColoredFella over at The American Street has a fun little project:

You’re the A&R Rep (Artist and Repertoire) for That Colored Fella’s Records or the hot shot, young Music Producer I just laid six figures on to deliver the eagerly anticipated debut album from the Christian Rock outfit, Dr. Frist and the Justice Sunday Theocrats! And, I want a list of suggested song titles, like yesterday.

Here are my suggested song titles:

“Stairway To Heaven”
“My Sweet Lord, Not Yours”

“Put Your Hand In The Hand Of The Man Who Kills The Cats”

“Heaven Is In My Mind”

“Christ, You Know I Ain’t Sleazy”

“God Damn The Clergy Man”

“My God Is An Awful God”

“The Night We Drove The Constitution Down”

“I Shot The Judge”

“Sunday Will Never Be This Lame”

“Going To The Chapel Of Hate”

“I’m Special”

“Sunday, Sunday, Can’t Trust That Day”

Fun, and yet, oh so serious underneath it all.

On a side note, having spent several years providing technical support to the Christian recording industry, I can state confidently that no label I ever worked with layed out anywhere near six figures for an artist. Perhaps Amy Grant with Word Records. But otherwise no, to the best of my knowledge.

One label exec, who was a really nice guy otherwise, told me that they wanted to keep the artists "accountable," meaning attending THAT specific church. And that they wanted them to NOT quit their day jobs. Thus, they didn't want them to be too successful. If that happened, he was afraid, the artist(s) might get uppity and want to spread their metaphorical wings and fly away. That might result in less "accountability."

My thoughts on that are that if one is Christian, a few extra bucks in the pocket is not too much of a temptation. At least, it shouldn't be. On the other hand, if the artist(s) bolted for a larger label, that would mean less income for the smaller Christian label. Tha would mean less money for the church to use for outreach, for executive salaries...



Jane Hamsher said...

One of my best friends has done a lot of writing for Christin labels, band interviews, etc. and he claims that Christian artists can be the biggest bunch of whoremongers out there. He took me to a private party in Nashville for the Christian recording industry on a riverboat they had rented for the occasion, just so they could "be themselves" away from prying eyes in town. By the time the boat pulled out of the slip I was the only one on board who wasn't knee-walking drunk. Oh and I sat through a 5 hour Gaither concert where I wished I was drunk. That pretty much sums up my experience with Christian music. And fuck Bill Frist.

Anonymous said...

We listened to that thing on Sunday - that has to be the most skin-crawlingly sinister pantomime I've ever witnessed. I was going to blog about it but that was all I could find to say.

Song titles:

Everyday I re-write the book
Your own personal Jesus
Fristy the Ho-man
Highway to Hell
...and probably something by Judas Priest

gail said...

Woops! Didn't realise I posted as anonymous.

Yours Nonymously


Jon said...

On the Christian Rock thing.......
I giggled years ago when it came out Stryper were huge gack heads. They do a "secular record" and the scam was exposed. A mate of mine did monitors on the bigest tour they did in australia. He said they were way loud,and all deaf in the ultra highs..telltale cocaine side effect.

Just like all manufactured music, people eventually see through it.
If it is genuine, money, and fame shouldn't waver a person of real faith.
So says the agnostic.

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