When I grow up to be a man

CNN's latest-hire Erick Erickson has said some stupid things for ever lately, but John Cole offers an explanation:

A lot of chatter about this latest outburst from CNN’s newest hire:

ERICKSON: This is crazy. What gives the Commerce Department the right to ask me how often I flush my toilet? Or about going to work? I’m not filling out this form. I dare them to try and come throw me in jail. I dare them to. Pull out my wife’s shotgun and see how that little ACS twerp likes being scared at the door. They’re not going on my property. They can’t do that. They don’t have the legal right, and yet they’re trying.

Anyone who is surprised by this needs their head examined. Seriously. I know Erick, chatted with him for years while I wrote at Red State, and he knows that 90% of what he spews is utter nonsense. James Joyner got at this (kind of) the other day. You can say a lot of things about Erick, but he isn’t this stupid, he knows what he is doing. You at home can do your own math on the stupid to evil ratio.

Regardless, I’m sure there are people who are surprised that Erick would continue to say explosive things after his hire, including probably some of the clowns at CNN, but they shouldn’t. At this point, he has every single incentive to keep saying explosive and incendiary things. CNN hired him in spite of everything he had already said, so that was a de facto green light to continue in that vein. It will drive the ratings, and is clearly what he wants.

In re: the linked post from James Joyner, the (kind of) from Cole is because Joyner's an right-wing hack and apologist who still gives Erickson cover while basically saying the same thing Cole did: that Erickson isn't stupid enough to actually believe what he says.

But an interesting tid-bit slipped through the cracks. In the discussion between Howie Kurtz & Erickson, in which Kurtz got as rough as Barney Fife questioning Aunt Bee, there was this exchange:

KURTZ: Yes. And She never said that, and she assures me that she never said that.

The first lady, you wrote the following — the headline was, “Is Obama shagging hookers behind the media’s back?” And you write, “I assume not. I assume that Obama’s Marxist harpy wife would go Lorena Bobbit on him should he even think about it.”

Why would you describe Michelle Obama in those terms?

ERICKSON: Well, you know, back during the campaign trail in 2008, a lifetime ago, frankly, in blogging, I was very passionate, very aggressive in defending my side. And at the time that I wrote that, the Eliot Spitzer story was breaking, and the point was — distracted by the language, obviously — that Barack Obama was as much a creature of the media as Eliot Spitzer was. Neither have been investigated. And, you know, since that time, I’ve really learned, headed into, frankly, the David Souter comment, that I don’t have to get personal in blogging to make my point. I’ve definitely evolved over time.

He's evolved?

evolve (ē välv′, -vôlv′; i-)

transitive verb evolved evolved′, evolving evolv′·ing

1. to develop by gradual changes; unfold
2. to set free or give off (gas, heat, etc.)
3. to produce or change by evolution

Etymology: L evolvere, to roll out or forth < e-, out + volvere, to roll: see walk

intransitive verb

1. to develop gradually by a process of growth and change
2. ☆ to become disclosed; unfold

For a guy who doesn't believe in evolution, except for himself, that's rich. And the context is rich. Unpacking the statement:

I used to be a juvenile foul-mouthed prick who would say outrageous stuff to get attention with no regard to the truthfulness of said statements.

But now I've . . . grown? Or grown up? or evolved?

So he's now better than before because he evolved from a fire-breathing wingnut blogger into a better-spoken Republican spokeperson?

Either way, his evolution doesn't speak well of his previous condition, which required evolution. Which he still doesn't believe in. Or something.

Bastard.

Hey you, get offa my cloud

This anonymous letter has been floating on the internets for around a year, I think, and good friend Jess reminded me of it, emailed it to me today.

It's particularly witty now, since so many formerly Red states voted Blue:

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard.

You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulphur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out, Blue States.

While I was trying to track the provenance of the piece, I found it posted at some really vile Right-wing blogs, with some of the following comments:

Sounds like Obonga. Egotistical Snobbery.
All of you libs should move to the "new country" of California because the state motto fits. California, the land of fruits and nuts. Pray to Hollywood while your at it.
We in the South will just sit under a shade tree and collect your government provided socialst dollars while you vacation.

~~

If this ever happened, all of the companies in the Demoncunt states would leave and move to the Republican states. Demoncunt states would be left with nothing but a bunch of illegals and other assorted dumb motherfuckers. Whoever wrote this scenario is an idiot. Maybe then we could start a war with the demoncunt country and kill them all.

~~

The retard that wrote this piece of bullshit must be completely unaware that California's agricultural areas are "red counties", populated by "bitter people clinging to guns and religion".

And they hate the libs in San Francisco and Los Angeles more than any Southerner could ever imagine.

No, you idiot wingers. It's not serious. It's almost like it's already two countries, one rec, one blue.

Idiots. And who is going to be fanning this outrage, cheerleading for the Republican Party? Howard Fineman, on Hardball today:

Howard Fineman: It won't be out of the Hill at all. It's going to be Rush Limbaugh, and what's left of the conservative commentariat. They are going to be in charge of this party until the Republicans begin to get their act together.

Matthews: So the ticked-off voices.

Fineman: The ticked-off voices, and Rush will be the guy.

Let them eat Limbaugh.

Note: Updated for clarity.