Top Ten Things Kerry Should Say To Bush At The Debate:

10. Want me to teach you to ride a bike?

9. Can you even spell al Qaeda?

8. How many Iraqi should a man mow down, before they call him a man?

7. Mr. President, you saw the pictures of the atrocities at Abu Ghraib. Do you think the insurgents currently holding hostages will want to treat their "detainees" by the our standards of conduct?

6. You want us to accept you as America's CEO, and believe that you can make good business decisions. Yet you traded Sammy Sosa! What the f**k?

5. Mr. President, you're Methodist, I'm Catholic. Do you know the difference between Wahabi, Sunni, and Shi'ite Muslims?

4. On Sep. 11, 2001, did you take time to finish reading "The Pet Goat?"

3. I knew George H. W. Bush. George H. W. Bush was a friend of mine. And Mr. President, you're no George H. W. Bush.

2. It's pronounced new-klee-ur, you idiot!

1. You're fired!