I meant to post this yesterday, 8/18, so please pretend it's still Tuesday...
H.R. 'Ruth' Anderson would have been 83 today. Had she still been around, her kids, grandkids, in-law kids & grandkids, and various others would have called and wished her Happy Birthday.
We all likely would have gotten together either last Sunday, or next Sunday to celebrate August birthdays, at a fun family-oriented restaurant. We would have laughed, caught up on what we all were doing, and all celebrated Mom's latest birthday.
Fate often has a way of intervening, however, and Mom isn't around anymore. This is her first birthday without her. She was, and still is, loved and missed every day.
So Happy Birthday, Mom. I hope you get this greeting wherever you are in the cosmos.
My relationship with my Mom was complicated, and had a definite arc. As a young boy, with a single parent, it was all about Mom, and her parents with whom we lived. I adored her.
As an adolescent and young adult, we had problems. Some were mine, trying to grow up and find my boundaries, some were, well, it was complex.
But as life went on, we developed respect, and a closeness and tolerance we had never know before. Her ascent from apathy to liberalism, combined with my awareness that she had done the best she could, and understanding my own flaws, brought us closer together. We connected in a way I found precious, and she became one of my best friends.
Today is my first Mothers' Day without her. I miss her. I miss calling and saying "So, what are you doing?". I miss the goofy emails (I saved them all). But I also treasure the times we had and the closeness and honesty we knew.
She was a quiet yet passionate crusader for LGBT rights, same-sex marriage, and equality. She proudly signed her No on 8 absentee ballot the day before she died. I have no idea what went through her mind that last day, as she slipped away, from sleep into something deeper and more eventual. But I hope it was confidence that she had done the best she could, and that she knew how much we all loved her.
Happy Mothers' Day, Mom. Thank you for everything.
UPDATE BY The Sailor: Steve, thank you for your omage to your Mom. I miss her too. She and I had several exchanges in comments on your blog. I think your Mom and my Mom might have appreciated this:
We had Mom's Memorial Celebration Thursday afternoon at her beloved Womens' Club of Orange, CA.
She was there, in videos, pictures, items she had sewn, knitted, crocheted. She was there in stories people told: Jonathan's trip to Santa's Village, the dress she gave Kathy, shutting down a rude person at Book Club.
She was there in the memories my dear friend Jess and his mom LaVerne reminded me of; in Jim & Michaelle's memories of Grandma; and Dave's story of being her "favorite Son-in-Law".
She was there in Pam's memory of being treated like family, and Johanna's memory of everything Mom did.
I know I sound like a CD set on Repeat, but dammit, listen to me:
If you love someone, tell them.
If you think you can't live without them, you can. But you won't like it.
If you miss them, tell them.
If you want to know what happened way back when, ask, before it's too late.
And never, ever, count on tomorrow. The Earth will rotate, the sun will appear, gravity will still be a law, but beyond that, don't hold your breath.
But certain things will live on, no matter what else happens. My Mom was an agnostic, but an optomist. And she loved music, of virtually any style.
And while she specifically asked not to be remembered with such corny prose as "being in the arms of Jesus", she would have no problem with:
I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away; (in the morning) When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
(Mom loved this song, Matt & his Brass Quintet played it today. They fucking rocked!)
In Loving Memory Of
Helen Ruth Anderson Beloved Mom, Nana, and Friend 1926 - 2008
Entered This Life August 18, 1926 Riverside, CA
Entered Eternal Life October 11, 2008 Orange, CA
Graveside Service Thursday, October 23, 2008, 2:30 P.M. Fairhaven Memorial Park Santa Ana, CA
Anyone who visits here, thanks, but sympathy isn't what I'm looking for. I miss my Mom like crazy, but I still have to get up tomorrow and deal with life.
My point, my only point in posting this is as follows:
IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!
Huh? Wha?
If there's someone you love, who means something to you, don't ever take them for granted. Nothing in life is granted but a chance. You have a chance to make some difference in someone's life? Then take it. You have a chance to tell someone you love that you, you know, love them? Do it. Don't wait. No "As soon as I . . ." excuses. Do it right now!
I can't ask Mom anymore questions about "What happened when Papa said . . .?" So there's now a generation of family history that's lost. And more importantly, there's an ongoing, living, spirit that's been lost.
Believe in the afterlife? I'm agnostic, and so was Mom. But she was open to the idea. So I hope she's happy with the turnout at the cemetery today. And I hope she knows how many people considered her both family and friend.
And as I pointed out in a previous post, Mom felt so strongly about politics and the future of America that she filled out her absentee ballot the day before she died. She hated what had happened to the US during the last 8 years.
She voted for Barack Obama for President. Will you?
(Bruddah Iz singing Over The Rainbow/Wonderful World; one of Ruthie's favorite songs)
Life speeds by, and you try to hang on. Sometimes it brings joy, and it feels great. And sometimes it lands a punch that sucks the air out of your gut, and you are stunned, trying to figure out what to do next.
And sometimes you feel like Joe Frazier in The Thrilla In Manilla; battered and beaten by Ali during several rounds. When the final knock-out blow comes, it's both expected, and a relief: you won't get hit anymore today.
After scoring some big points in the late rounds, Ruth Anderson was finally knocked to the canvas last night. The final bell rang at 9:20 P.M. Saturday night, with virtually her whole family in her corner, telling her how much she was loved. While heartbroken, we were relieved that she won't feel any more blows landed by cruel fate.
I have no idea where the boxing metaphor came from. Perhaps because we told her how proud we were that she had fought so strongly against the pneumonia after her hip surgery. And we all told her that she was the glue that held the Anderson family together. Now we have to carry on: the 3 remaining children (myself, Johanna, and Matt). We all have various support systems we will lean on, including each other. But we three are orphans now. We have, among us, one wife, one husband, four children, and one grandchild. And they are enriched by having known "Nana".
But for us, the Anderson children, life has become more sad than we could have imagined. We were indeed hardened and prepared by the blows she suffered the last few weeks, so her death came as no real surprise. But we still held out hope. And we lost.
I knew her for 59 years, and still didn't know her well enough. We talked often, at least every other day. Yet I didn't get down to see her often enough. Do you think you have time to tell someone how much they mean to you, how they have helped shape your life, how much you love them? You're a fool. You have no time, life proves that. Call them, tell them you love then, act like you care if you really do. Because you, like me, may run out of time. I have questions I need to ask her, history to clarify, family to understand. And I can't do that now, because she's not where I can reach her. And while I am richer for having known her, I am poorer for having lost what she still might have helped me with.
She had no patience for whiners, so I won't whine. She helped us all out, materially and emotionally. And now we have to pass that on. And here's something she did just Friday that I will pass on to you out there: She voted.
She had asked for her absentee ballot, so Matt brought it to the ICU Friday. Pam & Matt helped her fill it out, and she even signed it. It was probably the last really conscious thing she did, and she did it proudly.
She was determined to vote, so that McCain would go down in defeat; so that CA Prop 8 (anti-same sex marriage) would be defeated; so that we would have a change in direction and leadership in this country.
My mom was a proud liberal, who voted with her last breath. If she can do it, so can you. Vote, for your children, for the lives of others, for the nation's future.
Ruthie did. And so can you.
Helen Ruth Anderson 8.18.1926 - 10.11.2008
Thanks, Mom.
Here's Louis Armstrong singing "Wonderful World":
Update: A special post from Sailor at his home blog deserves attention. Truly loving and graceful. Thanks, my friend:
My own blogging around here might be a little sparse for a bit. Mom's hip surgery went well, but her recovery hasn't.
She's back in the hospital, not doing so well, and the fantastic team of doctors, nurses, and other talented health workers at St. Joseph's in Orange, CA, are trying to get her back on track for her cancer treatment. It's a world-class facility, and Mom couldn't be in a better place, except back at home. My sister Johanna has been point-person on Mom's adventure, and bro Matt has been helping mightily as well, since they live closest to Mom.
Good thoughts are appreciated, as are prayers to your favorite deities; Christian, Buddhist, Druid, it's all good.
And I'll be glad to pass on any messages from readers here. All are welcome.
And keep dropping by, because the finest team of bloggers I know work here, they write amazingly well, and I'm proud to have them on the team.
She came through surgery Sunday evening well, and was resting comfortably when we came home last night. The team of Doctors and Nurses caring for her is really great, as is the hospital, St. Joseph's, Orange CA.
And to the rest of my family, including bro Matt, who helped get her to the hospital; sis Johanna, who does so much to help take care of Mom on a daily basis; her great family: husband (& co-blogger Dancin') Dave, sons Jonathan & Christopher, and my honey Pam, I love you all.
People who hang around here have probably noticed comments from my mom. She identifies herself as either "Steve's Mom", or "Oldness". Her name is Ruth Anderson.
She just turned 82, is pretty wonderful, always adding to the conversation with wit, knowledge, and insight. She's had a pretty interesting life, and raised 4 interesting kids. She's a proud liberal. And she frequently sends me info that is helpful in this little blogging adventure.
Recently, she was hit with a Bad News/Good News scenario. Cancer, in the lungs and brain, was the bad news. Chemo and radiation would likely shrink the tumors, and add some quality time to her life, was the good news. More Oldness in the world would be a great thing.
She started chemo Tursday, and all went well. She even seemed to have some initial relief from the cough that had been bothering her for some time. But last night (Friday) she fell at home and broke her hip.
Luckily, my brother Matt was at the house, and called paramedics. She was transported to St. Joseph's Hospital in Orange, and stabilized.
She's likely having hip surgery Sunday. And hopefully this will be just an annoying bump in the road for a great woman, who at age 82, isn't readly to call it quits. Anyone who wants to send her best wishes can, at oldness26@earthlink.net. She'd enjoy hearing from folks who follow our little blog.
We now resume our strategic and tactical blogging.
