Fox News hypes Rove as strategist who ‘knows it all.’
Last week, Inside Cable News reported that former Bush adviser Karl Rove was rumored to be joining Fox News as a contributor and that he would “likely be used throughout Super Tuesday coverage.” Fox News confirmed the rumor today, declaring in an ad, “Now Karl Rove joins the Fox political team.”
Permit me to put on my Raoul Duke hunting cap a moment, dear reader.
"Karl Rove represents everything cheap, venal and opportunistic about the American political process, wrapped with a bloody red bow and delivered to your door hot and fresh...a polished-diamond perfect example of the creed that it ain't how you play the game, but how hard and often you grind your cleats into your opponent's face after the whistle has blown.
Not content to having bootstrapped a spoiled ne'er-do-well into the highest office in the land twice through some breathtakingly cynical chicanery, or by doing so enabling a rancid slingshotting into government of the worst gaggle of poisoned toadies, crazed religious zealots and churlish malfeasants in modern American political history, he now intends to sit at the Big Desk of his very own Pravda bullhorn with the rest of the Chattering Teeth and handicap this race of horse's asses from parade to post to Pyhrric winner's circle.
Pay no heed to the lawsuits swirling around his head like doleful buzzards over fresh-splattered roadkill, or the rank partisanship replete with an aroma redolent of Ronnie Raygun's moldy jockstrap, or the pitbull of empirically gleaned wisdom clenching its jaws harshly upon his sagging glutes...By God and Lee Atwater, we're going to get some 'fair and balanced' interpreting of America's poll results and what it means in the greater outer cosmos, whether we want to lick it from his rusty spoon or not.
Anyone else, given even a remotely similar track record in the public eye would have self-immolated from shame by now, or been sealed in a drum of toxic waste and set adrift in the China Sea by popular demand - But not our brightest seer, our true star of smash-mouth realpolitik.
Because that sort of introspection is strictly for the wholesome losers who judiciously study discernible realities, and not for a hopelessly dishonest road agent of a great society's destruction."
Apologies to HST