Friday, August 17, 2007

You talk like a big business tycoon, you're just a hot air balloon, so no-one gives you a damn

White House Unveils New Press Secretary
Washington D.C. - In a move that confirmed earlier rumors of Tony Snow stepping down as White House Press Secretary, President Bush held a press conference to announce the appointment of Prince Frederic Von Anhalt as his replacement.
Recently Snow told conservative Hugh Hewitt on his radio show, “I’ve already made it clear I’m not going to be able to go the distance, but that’s primarily for financial reasons. I’ve told people when my money runs out, then I’ve got to go.” He also sited his battle with cancer as a factor for his resignation.
His successor brings to the position a rather colorful background with him. Prince Von Anhalt, husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, has been a presence in the press in recent months, catching the attention of the president.
"I'm pretty excited about the opportunity to have a real live prince bringing prestige to the position of press secretary", Bush gushed. "And I really loved his song 'Little Red Corvette".
When pressed by the media to explain Von Anhalt's qualifications for the job, Bush didn't hesitate.
"Whether it's claiming a long term affair with Anna Nicole Smith, paternity for her child, being robbed and stripped by three gorgeous women, or even his questionable royal title and fortune made selling that title to others, he does it all with a straight face and complete lack of plausibility."
Smiling, Bush added, "As far as the credibility factor goes, that makes him the perfect man to spin gold out of shit for this administration."
[graphic by Dancin' Dave]