Thursday, September 13, 2007

Put a smile on your face (whatcha gonna do say whatcha gonna do)

"Wal-Mart Unveils New Ad Slogan"

Bentonville, AR - For the first time in 19 years, the world's largest retailer is changing its slogan. The new slogan, "Save money. Lose benefits." will replace the old slogan "Always low wages. Always."

The new slogan kicks off an advertising campaign that focuses on the company's claim that it saves each American family an average of $2,500. Which is a good thing when one factors in the current trend of large soul-less mega-corporations like Wal-Mart to drive down wages and benefits for the average worker by pushing out businesses from any area it settles into. Businesses who can't compete while still paying a decent living wage to their workers along with health benefits.

For all those unable to get employment at the Wal-Marts that take away their original better-paying jobs, it's a relief for them to know they can buy cardboard and pens at reduced rates at Wal-Mart with which to make their "will work for food"' signs.
Before settling upon the new slogan, they had briefly thought of using:
"Save money, Buy cheap lead-filled unsafe Chinese goods from overseas outsourced manufacturers that will give our CEO's and stockholders obscene profits through underhanded business practices as we underpay our employees and let others foot the bill for their medical costs and don't give a shit about the declining standard of living for middle America as long as we make tons of dough".
... but they felt it wouldn't fit well into a catchy jingle.

[graphic by Dancin' Dave]