Saturday, December 15, 2007

Shortness of Breadth ... or ... The Shallow End of the Gene Pool

My take on the republican residential debauch debates:
Shorter Huckster:
Supreme executive power derives from some mary telling her fiance she was a virgin & pregnant, by god, and from some farcicial aquatic ceremony, not from some mandate from the masses! Help, I'm being repressed!*

Shorter Mittster: [Sing it in 5/4]
According to the angel moroni,
Joe Smith was really horny,
He's the one with the many wives,
He'd stopped doing the old hand jive.

I want to be president,
'cause I believe I was heaven sent,
If you don't vote for me
In hell you'll be for eternity**

Shorter Fred & the Thomson Twins:
Dammit Jim, I'm an actor not presidential material***, and I'm too worn out to lift a finger about climate change. (grumble, grumble, mutter 'where's my viagra, them honeydew's will become honeydon'ts if I don't have my viagra!')

Shorter Rudyism:
Hey, some long haired freak from the middle east who tried to spread his religious doctrine here!? I'd have him tortured even more than we do now because we need to protect America, just like I did on 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11.

Oh godammit, you meant Jesus? [laughs insanely, exits stage right with his 3rd wife and 4th mistress into a tax-payer funded limo guarded by the tax-payer funded SS.]

*apologies to Monty Python.

**apologies to Johnny Otis & Bo Diddley.

***apologies to DeForest Kelley.

Cross posted at VidiotSpeak